Long Distance, Married submissive

So, I am about to get very personal. Personal about myself that is. Maybe too personal. Who knows?

I am a wife first to My Husband. A submissive to His Dominant. A slave to His Master. We do all of this long-distance due to circumstances at the moment. (I am trying to immigrate to Canada to be with him.) I know, you want to know how a married couple is able to keep their marriage going, let alone a D/s and M/s relationship. Trust me, it's not the easiest thing, but it is rewarding in it's own ways. I'll try to explain some of that in the following post.

For us, we find that using the computer has been the biggest advantage for us to keep the love alive in our marriage. Every morning, after he has had time for coffee, shower and breakfast, and I have had my soda...I call him. Then we get on Skype, so that we can both see and hear one another. When we have to do the phone, it is okay, but Skype is much better for helping us to feel "closer". We also do this every night at 8 P.M. my time. We're using on Skype for anywhere from 2-4 hours. I know, what do you do that whole time? Well let me tell you some of the things we do.

We started by watching the full seasons of Highlander, start to finish. Then Criminal Minds and now we stay caught up with them. At the moment, we are on Season 3 of True Blood. We'll stay caught up on that also once we're done with the seasons so far. Our next TV shows will be either The Mentalist or NCIS. (Love me some Gibbs and Abby)

Why does this help our marriage? I think because we have found we have similar taste. I started watching True Blood because Sir wanted to, and after the first episode, I started watching because I was interested. It gives us something to do, without having to try to find conversation.

Another thing we are known to do is "Snuggle Night", which is something we often do when one of us is feeling poorly. It consists of just sitting quietly together. Playing games, or surfing the web. We find those nights are as important and needed as the "movie nights" we have.

Because our marriage is long distance at this time, it takes a lot of trust on both our parts.We made Honesty, Trust and Communication the "Rule" of our relationship/Marriage. It has worked for us. Sometimes, it's hard to trust that he won't find a better looking woman, a smarter woman, a woman who is simply there while I am here. With honesty, trust and communication, the feelings of insecurity are lessened.

Without going into any detail, we also have "messenger sex"...figure it out for yourself. That's all you get from me. I will say this has been important for us also, as a way of feeling a little bit closer. It was through this, that I learned to trust my Sir with a flogger/crop. I watched how he used it on a chair, and felt very confident when it came time for him to use them on me. It is during these nights most especially, that I am able to really show my Sir...my master, my submissiveness. It's always there of course, but much more prominent on these nights when we "play". It is how he learned a few things about me, that helped him when he was here the first time and I had a flashback in the middle of intimacy. He caught it, stopped the play, and comforted me, then allowed me to find a way that we could still be intimate without triggering memories. It worked.

The biggest thing has been to take advantage of any time that one of us can travel to where the other is. So far, Sir has done all the traveling. That will change in August, when I head to him for several months of being together. We need it. Time together. It's going to be hard to leave and come back to the States after, but it is what must be done.

He encourages me to do what I can and praises me for doing the best I can. Like today, getting out to get X-rays and blood drawn. I've been so sick the last few days that I didn't know if I could. I did. Of course, once I got home, I was throwing up again. (Starting to think that new medicines and sun don't mix well. Heat is about 90% with VERY high humidity.) He listens to me. He doesn't just 'hear' me, he listens. If I say I "don't want" to do something, he explains why I must. If I say "I Can't", he listens to why I cannot and usually decides that I am right and it can wait another day or so. These things sound so little, but they are so important.

We don't want to become complacent in our relationship. We want to keep it fresh, with little things like a special pic he finds that just has to be sent to my email, or the song I hear that I just have to have him listen to. Keeping in touch, keeping the love alive doesn't have to cost a lot of money. This is one of those times/places, where "it's the thought that counts" is very accuraate.

If you are in a long distance relationship _(LDR), it can work. They are hard, but well worth it. For us, starting long distance gave us much time to get to know one another on a mental, emotional, verbal plane, whereas relationships that are much closer in "miles" tend to be more physically oriented. An LDR is not for everyone. An LDR marriage is not for everyone either. You have to know that there will be an end date to the long distance aspect of it. We don't know what our end date is, but we know there will be one. That's what keeps us going. You have to be willing to work hard to keep it alive from over the miles, over the phone or computer. You need to be able to learn to Listen. Communicate. Be Honest. Be Truthful. These are key to any relationship, but essential to an LDR. A long-distance relationship simply cannot survive the test of time without these key things in place. It may last awhile, but it will not survive.

Think long and hard before getting into a long-distance relationship. Are the "Pro's" worth more than the "Con's"of it? If so, you might be ready for it, if it is needed. Find support. It's out there. If you are in a BDSM relationship, find others who share your life goals, such as making the relationship permanent, or learning how to be the submissive/Dominant that you want to be for your partner. It can be done. Use the time you are physically away from one another to learn all you can about BDSM play.

Now, go keep the Love Alive. Long Distance.